Oh my goodness gracious me – I nearly fell of my couch reading the following email from an agency asking aworkcovervictimsdiary to consider “them” to produce some “quality content” on behalf of – hold your breath – workcover insurer GIO (!!!) on our site …..and to (potentially) enter into a longer term “arrangements”…I am lost for words, hell I am mortified, are you?
A wonderfully poetically talented injured worker shared his hilariously
funny painful YouTube video creating with us, a musical poem, dedicated to those injured workers who have suffered by the “Hired Guns” – the “Independent Medical Examinations” where doctors are paid to give the opinion that their master desires.
A couple of days ago, our co-warrior Trinny send us an interesting link, featuring the OZloop creatives with a most satirical look at the [psych] labeling of public servants. Nothing like holding up the mirror to these flawed practices!
The recent discovery of King Richard’ III’s remains in a Leicester City Council carpark has triggered a bizarre debate over a potential workers compensation claim.
When a good piece of satire presents itself. Its hard to resist. In fact, impossible.
The source derived from this article on UK politics and disability assessment.
It’s been a stressful week, for us and undoubtedly for many injured folks out there, and it’s Sunday, and it’s been ages since we ran a “silly Sunday”! Time for some much needed laughter therapy!
Oops, it’s Sunday, I nearly forgot! It’s time for a laugh again. Thank you so much for these jokes, kindly sent in via email, I really needed them today…. wait I take that back – I need them everyday!!! I hope that everyone finds amusement in these too.
Silly Sunday – time for a joke or two
The CEO of a large managed care corporation [may as well be a workcover insurance company] was sitting in his office late one night, gloating over his latest acquisitions. Suddenly, with a puff of smoke and the smell of brimstone, Satan appeared before him.
Satan smiled at the CEO and said, “I have a proposition for you. You can win every health care contract you bid on, for the rest of your life. Your colleagues will stand in awe of you, physicians will fear you, and you will make embarrassing sums of money. All I want in exchange is your soul, and the souls of all your friends and the souls of all shareholders in your company.”
The CEO thought about this for a moment, then asked, “So, what’s the catch?”
3 men rock up at the gates of heaven to be met by St Peter, who will decide their eternal fate.
First man says “I was married to a pompey girl”. St Peter says “To heaven with you, paradise you deserve”. Off he floats.
Second man says “I was married to a pompey girl and also lived there”. St Peter says “To heaven with you, paradise you deserve”. Off he floats.
Third man says “I was married to a pompey girl, lived there, and for years had the mother in law with us”. St Peter says “To hell with you”. The man asks “but why? How come the others got paradise”? To which St Peter replies “After all that, hell will seem like paradise”!
And here are some ‘Frequently Asked Questions About Health Care:
Q. What does HMO stand for?
A. This is actually a variation of the phrase, “Hey, Moe!” It roots go back to a concept pioneered by Doctor Moe Howard, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the eyes. Modern practice replaces the physical finger poke with high-tech equivalents such as voice mail and referral slips, but the result remains the same.
Q. Do all diagnostic procedures require pre-certification?
A. No. Only those you need.
Q. I just joined a new HMO. How difficult will it be to choose the doctor I want?
A. Just slightly more difficult than choosing your parents. Your insurer will provide you with a book listing all the doctors who were participating in the plan at the time the information was gathered. These doctors basically fall into two categories: those who are no longer accepting new patients, and those who will see you but are no longer part of the plan. But don’t worry, the remaining doctor who is still in the plan and accepting new patients has an office just a half day’s drive away!
Q. What are pre-existing conditions?
A. This is a phrase used by the grammatically challenged when they want to talk about existing conditions. Unfortunately, we appear to be pre-stuck with it.
Q. Well, can I get coverage for my pre-existing conditions?
A. Certainly, as long as they don’t require any treatment.
Q. What happens if I want to try alternative forms of medicine?
A. You’ll need to find alternative forms of payment.
Q. My pharmacy plan only covers generic drugs, but I need the name brand. I tried the generic medication but it gave me a stomach ache. What should I do?
A. Poke yourself in the eye.
Q. I have an 80/20 plan with a $200 deductible and a $2,000 yearly cap. My insurer reimbursed the doctor for my out-patient surgery, but I’d already paid my bill. What should I do?
A. You have two choices: your doctor can sign the reimbursement check over to you, or you can ask him to invest the money for you in one of those great offers that only doctors and dentists hear about, like windmill farms or frog hatcheries.
Q. What should I do if I get sick while traveling?
A. Try sitting in a different part of the bus.
Q. No, I mean what if I’m away from home and I get sick?
A. You really shouldn’t do that. You’ll have a hard time seeing your primary care physician. It best to wait until you return, and then get sick.
Q. I think I need to see a specialist, but my doctor insists he can handle my problem. Can an HMO general practitioner really perform a heart transplant right in his office?
A. Hard to say, but considering that all you’re risking is the $10 co-payment, there’s no harm giving him a shot at it.
Q. How is a hospital gown like insurance?
A. You’re never covered as much as you think you are.
Q. What accounts for the largest portion of health care costs?
A. Doctors trying to recoup their investment losses.
Q. Will health care be any different in the next century?
A. No, but if you call right now, you might get an appointment by then
The following quotes were taken from actual medical records, as dictated by physicians.
She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.
The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
The patient refused an autopsy.
The patient has no past history of suicides.
The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.
Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
The patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a 40-pound weight gain in the past three days.
She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.
She is numb from her toes down.
The skin was moist and dry.
Patient was alert and unresponsive.
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
Can you believe it’s been months since I last did a “funny”. Well, given the amount of pain I am in and the – frankly- ridiculous situation I find myself in, I woke up overnight deciding that I was going to implement a “Silly Sunday” on our blog! Yikes! Time to get back in the game. Life is too shitty for many injured workers to go without giggles.
Silly Sunday – injured workers need a good laugh
As some of you may be aware I have end stage rotator cuff failure and end stage traumatic osteoarthritis in my dominant shoulder, after seven or eight major [I have lost track], failed, shoulder reconstructions. I am in severe, debilitating pain and cornered between a rock and a hard place as I need a reverse shoulder prosthesis but, because I have suffered two near fatal heart failures during two shoulder surgeries, and they don’t really know what is causing this, my surgeon, cardiologist and anesthetist are reluctant to “put me to sleep” for the reverse joint replacement surgery (and the subsequent, necessary surgical revisions). I am having a damn hard time coping… and let’s not even mention the difficulties I have with my workcover insurer obtaining basic and legit entitlements such as home help…
So, in order to keep my sanity, and inspired by some of the hilarious stuff that goes on on our injured workers’ forum (courtesy of mainly Johnny Boy and Tezza ;)) I feel that there is a need for good laugh, at least on a weekly basis, for injured workers! It has proven very beneficial for me, and I am sure for many fellow injured sods… and so
Quite a few seriously injured workers, both male and female, have serious “issues” with sex… so, let’s have a good laugh about this -painful – reality:
Joke for wife of injured worker
A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, “What are you doing?”
She answers, “I’m moving to Sydney. I heard prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free.”
When she asks him where he’s going, he replies, “I’m coming too, I want to see how you live on $800 a year”.
Three Parrots down the chute…
The “rudest” joke – called “the beginning of logic” – has been posted on our forum – dedicated to Johnny Boy and Tezza 😉
After spending the last couple of days (at least) reading and re-writing shared, heart-wrenching stories from many fellow injured workers, and feeling rather sickened, depressed and -frankly – somewhat impotent- by them all, we thought it time for some fun! However, given the “litigatory” nature of workcover insurances, we have taken the necessary precautions and censored where necessary 😉
Workcover insurer is recruiting – we have broadened the skill set needed for the job 😉
Workcover insurer is recruiting a personal assistant: the ad
Broad role, combining executive administration with business support, with the opportunity to challenge your communication skills. A leading global brand, with a strong performance culture
[Workcover insurer] Australia Limited, a subsidiary of the [insurer] Group, is one of the world’s leading insurance and financial services organisations. We currently have an opportunity within our Workers Compensation Division for an experienced and motivated Personal Assistant who is seeking a challenging career within a professional service-orientated organisation.
The duties of the role will consist of:
- Reporting to the General Manager Workers’ Compensation Victoria
- Effective management of communication and strong customer relationships, co-ordinating, maintaining and organising correspondence.
- Preparing management meetings and agendas and power point presentations, take minutes, circulate to attendees, follow up on action items.
- Primary contact point between GM and the Victorian government regulator WorkSafe.
- Coordinating and overseeing functions, venues, accommodation and travel
- GM diary management, review and action GM emails as agreed by delegating, prioritising, responding on behalf of GM.
- Providing outstanding customer service to internal and external business stakeholders
- Providing minimal support to a small Business Development team
- Participating as a key member of the Staff Events Committee
- Extensive experience in a previous Personal Assistant role
- Excellent attention to detail
- Professional, organised and able to work in a fast paced environment
- Strong knowledge of all MS Office applications / exceptional Word and PowerPoint skills
- Ability to quickly build relationships across multiple divisions
- Immaculate verbal and written communication skills
- Flexibility to accommodate short term additional workload peaks as they arise
- Superior customer service skills
You will have previous experience in PA/EA role and be a confident, proactive and reliable professional. You will demonstrate your highly developed verbal, written and interpersonal communication skills, combined with relationship management skills and a strong customer service ethic. Your keen eye for detail, ability to anticipate the needs of your manager and to work efficiently under pressure are essential.
In return, [insurer] will provide you with supportive management dedicated to your ongoing learning and development, extensive employee benefits within a positive and sociable working environment.
If your skills and experience match the above mentioned criteria, please apply online by Friday 13 April 2012.
Workcover insurer real job description
As “None”, our formidable contributor states, why not rewrite the [true, real] Job Description for the role of Personal Assistant and General Manager/or even Case Manager in the Workers Compensation Division?
We suggest the following skills are absolutely necessary:
- Training in extreme bullying is required, for example 6 months experience at an Indonesian abattoir would certainly shortlist a candidate [we can tell you, folks, but we nearly p*ssed ourselves writing up this one – provided to us by “None” 🙂 🙂 🙂 ]
- Ability to easily identify all sensitive documents for immediate placement into our state-of-the art shredder
- Ability to arse-lick all WorkCover Authority agency employees
- Must be of the strong, unwavering opinion and belief that ALL injured workers are fraudsters and milk the system (see what your colleagues have to say here)
- Behaviour that intimidates, degrades or humiliates an injured worker is a must
- Lack of basic professionalism and utter and absolute ignorance will get you far
- Must have jaded, cynical and apathetic attitude 24/7
- Must NOT adhere to recommendations
- Make cost-effective, non-educated decisions at all times
- Ability to separate yourself from the reality of the situation and use your given power to destroy an injured worker’s life is highly valued
- Must spend more time and effort trying to find ways to close a claim and determine the injury a “non compensable injury”, or “deny that MRI/treatment/surgery “, rather than actually spending time trying to assist the injured worker
- Must be biased beyond belief – guarantees you to quickly move up the ranks
- Personal anger, frustration, bitterness and sheer resentment will be an advantage
- Must have NO education regarding injuries and rehabilitation, or even basic knowledge of medical terms and even anatomy
- Verbal abuse, behaviour which is intended to punish, constant unreasonable criticism, put-downs and sarcasm, poorly managed conflicts of opinion and personality clashes are highly sought after
- Must be willing to breach Conciliation Certificates and Rulings at any cost
- Must be willing to DENY any and all benefits to any and all injured workers, from weekly payments to home help, even though the medical evidence proved the injured worker genuinely needs benefit
- Must NOT have the desire to “do the right thing”
- Must be able to whipsaw an injured worker into saying or doing almost ANYTHING
- We prefer applicants with psychopathic and or narcissistic traits – previous criminal convictions are seen as an advantage.
- We value a culture of bullying and harassment and so does WorkSafe, whom we report to
We’re sure our loyal readers will come up with some other appropriate suggestions.Perhaps we could then suggest to the advertising workcover insurer that it re-advertises the job so with our more accurate job description?
One of our avid Forum members and blog readers – Imrippedoff- sent us a hilariously funny email a few days ago, which we believe you’d all enjoy. It is a political joke about a Canberra airport ticket agent – must read! This is priceless funny stuff; but alas, is only a small indication of how much trouble our country is in…
A Canberra airport ticket agent – must read!
This is priceless funny stuff;
but alas, is only a small indication
of how much trouble our country is in.
A Canberra airport ticket agent offers some examples of ‘why’ our country is in trouble:
1. I had a politician
ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window.
(On an airplane!)
2. I got a call from a Queensland politician (Katter) staffer (Howard Bauleke), who wanted to go to Capetown .
I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, and then he interrupted me with, ”I’m not trying to make you look stupid,
but Capetown IS in Queensland….”
Without trying to make him look stupid, I calmly explained,
”Cooktown is in Qld, Capetown is in Africa ” his response (?)
Senior Labor Politician
called, furious about a Florida package we did.
I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando ..
He said he was expecting an ocean-view room.
I tried to explain that’s not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state.
He replied, ‘don’t lie to me,
I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!”
I got a call from a Politicians wife
who asked, ”Is it possible to see England from Canada ?”
I said, ”No.”
She said, ”But they look so close on the map.”
Aide for a cabinet member
once called and asked if she could rent a car in Sydney ..
I pulled up the reservation and noticed she had only a 1-hour layover in Sydney …
When I asked her why she wanted to rent a car, she said,
”I heard Sydney was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time.”
6. Independent (Wilkie) called last week. He needed to know how it was possible that his flight from Sydney left at 8:30 a.m., and got to Perth at 8:33 a.m.
I explained that Sydney was three hours ahead of Perth ,
but he couldn’t understand the concept of time zones.
Finally, I told him the plane went fast, and
he bought that..
called and asked,
”Do airlines put your physical description on your bag
so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?”
I said, ‘No, why do you ask?’
He replied, ”Well, when I checked in with the airline,
they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I’m overweight.
I think that’s very rude!”
After putting him on hold for a minute, while I looked into it.
(I was dying laughing).
I came back
and explained the city code for Fraser Island is (FAT – Fraser Air Terminal), and the airline was
just putting a destination tag on his luggage.
called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii ..
After going over all the cost info, she asked,
”Would it be cheaper to fly to California
and then take the train to Hawaii ?”
I just got off the phone with a Labor politician,
”How do I know which plane to get on?”
I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied,
”I was told my flight number is 823,
but none of these planes have that number on them.”
called and said, ”I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola , Florida ..
Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?”
I asked if he meant fly to Pensacola, Florida on a commuter plane.
He said, ”Yeah, whatever, smarty!”
Kevin Rudd’s aide called and had a question about the documents
she and her boss needed in order to fly to China ..
After a lengthy discussion about passports,
I reminded her that she needed a visa.
‘Oh, no I don’t. I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.”
I double checked and sure enough, her stay required a visa.
When I told her this she said,
”Look, I’ve been to China four times
and every time they have accepted
my American Express!”
called to make reservations,
”I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York ”
‘Yes, what flights do you have?” replied Ms Gillard.
After some searching, I came back with,
”I’m sorry, I’ve looked up every airport code
in the country and can’t find a rhino anywhere.”
”Julia said, ”Oh, don’t be silly! Everyone knows where it is.
Check your map!”
So I scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered,
”You don’t mean Buffalo , do you?”
”Whatever! I knew it was a big animal.”
Now you know why the Governmentis in the shape that it’s in!
Could anyone be this DUMB?
YES, THEY WALK AMONG US, ARE IN POLITICS,
AND THEY CONTINUE TO BREED..
I don’t write it, I just offer it for your consideration.
Like manure, you just gotta spread it around.
Thank you to MR (aka Iamrippedoff) for sending us this priceless joke, much appreciated 😉